You know, how do you decide what you have in life is what you really want? I feel like I am at a cross-road again. Making some decisions that could affect how my life goes in the next couple years to the rest of my life. I thought that most of these decisions were over once I was out of college and after deciding on a job. But the more I live, the more I realize how many more life changing decisions I make or will be making. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what I want and then othertimes I don't. I think I know what I want or where God has been leading me, but then other times I get so confused. Maybe the time is not right that the current time. Maybe I need to gain some more courage/knowledge before moving on with my life. With the new position I had my interview for, they asked me about being vocal and being assertive, well this has been an issue for me my whole life. As my college girls can tell you. Only at very limited times do I become assertive and get my point acrossed. But my manager told me that she does not want to change my personality because that is what some of it is. I was very impressed with this statement. I have felt like so many people have tried to "change" who I am. This did make me feel better about where I am. And then I was later asked what would I think if I didnt get the position. And I answered honestly. Really I dont think I would care. I didnt say this part but I might actually be relieved! But I am not sure if being relieved is a good thing. I always make things more difficult on myself than they need to be, but I also dont want to back down on a challenge and this will be a new challenge and if it helps me gain some experiences that I will need in the future than maybe it would be a good position to have?
I have been thinking about missions more and trying to feel where I felt lead to. I had such a passion for Honduras and Africa, But I think I am feeling more of a draw to Africa. I dont know if this is because I am afraid of what could happen if I go to Honduras or a Central American Country?? But Well that probably doesnt make sence to most people seeing that Africa seems to be more dangerous and "life threating" than C.A. does. But this is not exactly what I ment by that statement. Anyways, I am reading Miracle at Tenwek now. Actually started it awhile ago and starting it again. He was such an amazing man and his wife was an amazing women! And I got to met her! :) Anyways that is what is going on in my life recently and thought I would put it out there for the world or the 1-2 people if that, that still reads blogs.
Most of all I just want to do what God wants me to do. If that is living a poor life and in the jungles of an unheard of country then so be it!! I am excited to find out how my life will turn out.