YA this is my 100th blog! Just took me several years to do it:) So after my last blog I did feel better. I think I should try and make a habit of doing this. I don't exactly know how I feel now. So I guess I will just start with typing. I have wanted a great guy to spend the rest of my life with for a long time. I dont know if I ever will have anybody or if I am supposed to be alone. I have learned either way I have to be content with what I have and to just Trust that God knows what He is doing with my life. I think I have been holding on to the past just incase, as in having a back up plan incase I dont like the future. And that is not fully trusting God. I need to let go and well I am trying to figure out how I CAN let go. Why I have let this person get to me the way he has I have no idea why. That sounded like a confusing sentence even had to reread it myself but it makes sense to me. I guess I just wanted to be loved or know that someone would ever love me. And it just happened at such a time in life when my world was turning upside down. But now I know it has to change. Maybe God has someone out there for me. Maybe He doesnt. Either way I have to keep living my life for Him. I am trying to be content with this statement.

If I am to live in another country. YA. If I am to stay in the same area I have always lived then YA. I just need to keep focusing on what my life mission is. That is to serve the Lord where ever I am. I am not a peacher, I am not called to do that. I am called to help others in need. Whether that is in the hospital, in the store, on the street or in my house. That is what I have always felt I was called to do.

If I am to stay at my job and work in this city for the rest of my life. I will do it. I have no idea if I will ever truely make a difference in this world. But I can try. If I am to just do short term mission trips and buy a house here. Then I am okay with that. I wish I knew the future. But I need to remember to keep focused that God will open the right doors. Really He has to knock me over the head with it! Which He has done in the past. I dont know if He will continue to do this in the future or if He will show me in otherways that I dont know yet. But I feel I have done what He wanted me to do with taking this job and with the different moves, going on the trips I have and meeting the people I have. Everything was done for a reason. I just havent figured out what it was all for yet. But now I am just waiting for the next step in my life. Where I am supposed to go from here. What I am supposed to do from here.

This blog is more just putting out what I have been thinking in my head. If it doesnt make sense it is because it is coming from my head:) It is known to think differently than what is the norm. And if no one reads this, that is fine too. It is just nice to get it out. I know it is long but anyways. But if someone does read it and has any comments or advice I would love to hear it!