Sometimes I wonder.... Why..... Why we have goals that we work towards for years and then suddenly one day, we have had enough and decide we want something different. I find myself wishing I had a normal life, a house, kids, steady job. But then I look and wonder, would I be bored right now? The grass is always greener on the other side.

So I was told that I havent posted in a while:) Thanks Amanda. Think you are really the only person that reads this!

So what is going on in my life. I went on my 10th medical mission trip recently to Liberia. It was such an awesome trip. One thing that I really learned and shared with the group, was that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" Phil 4:13. Not only was I stretched mentally with seeing patients, but spiritually too. I have had a distant time in the past couple years, but I am starting to grow more in my faith. This has been something that has been such a struggle, but especially on this trip, and after the trip, I have been reading more and have had some great discussions. Though somethings dont make sense in life, God is the ultimate one in control and knows what will happen in the future. So it is putting total trust in God, that He is leading and guiding the right people and circumstances in and out of a persons life.

I found out my vaca time (mission trips not really a vaca) have all been approved!! So excitied, now it is just making sure I have enough PTO time. There is one trip that is still up in the air. If anyone has a couple extra prayers, just pray that the right decision will be made. I am not sure if I should be on the trip or not.

I will be an aunt soon! Just waiting for the little one to make his appearance! Hopefully I will post again when it happens. Just have to remember how to post pictures on here! Dont think I have since college and as I was reminded that was some time ago!

Here is the lastest update.

Seriously considered quiting my job. Has been so stressful lately. and I dont see the future getting any better, just the same or worse. Currently have a 9 month prego girl on bedrest because she was getting to stressed out at work and another that just came down with shingles! Yikes. So not only do we not have enough beds for the patients and it has been a bed struggle for like the last month with pts waiting. Now the "high" up lady decided we were not busy enough (literally too) that she added another group to our specialty hemo/onco. Yeah was warned my a friend at work the weekend was going to suck. We had 4 of those pts down without any educ for us or warning and will continue to have them now. But we currently dont have enough beds for our population and hemoc is totally full so we cant bump the ones we have. It is just nuts!

So not doing full time missions now. At least right now. I have a dear dear friend that has text me twice giving me a message. It has been great to get. He told me he saw me out of country preaching to a village. Sounds um.... yeah, but he has a great relationship with my Father also.

I think things are changing. I mean with what I thought my future held, is changing. I was so ready to sign up for full time missions to Honduras. I had contacted a couple org's and was starting to plan. But I also had this feeling, like a sinking feeling. Like this was not right. But that is what I thought was right, what people expected of me. I think so much of what other people think of me and what I should be doing. (I really need to stop that!) Well, I went to Honduras to Copan in June, and to tell the truth, that was the worst trip emotionally and spiritually for me. I have no idea what all was going on and still not sure what all happened and still happening, but I hope I dont have another trip like that. I mean the people were great! It was me.... I do not have that strong desire to go to Honduras. It's really sad but I think that is for the best for right now. At least for me emotionally and spiritually. I think I was starting to focus on things other than doing what God wanted. After I got back from Honduras. Was not sure what to think. Seriously. I have not been in a good spritual relationship for a long time. I think even before college. And I still remember a very good friends dad telling me to find a good church, not to just stay with a "family church." I am still in this process. I have been going to a church near by and went to a class for the first time this past Sunday. But okay back to the topic. I got an email about Africa. But there are 2 trips. I travel with Trish. And I depend on her alot I realized. But then again. She is a great friend and can't imagine going to Africa without her. But the trip I really felt lead to go on, she does not. Before we talked about this. I had a "feeling" that I was not supposed to go with her. And then I had a friend text me at 3 in the morning a couple weeks ago. Said he was praying for me and God told him to tell me that He loves me and is with me. And later on when I was talking with the friend. He told me that I will not be stuck in the USA much longer that I will be preaching all over the world. (Just to let you know he knew nothing of what I have said in this blog.) I still have no idea what I will end up doing in my life, but I am willing to do anything and go anywhere that God wants me to. That has never changed and will never. So in a sort a waiting game?? Or figuring out what I am supposed to do and go. Not satisfied with work so that will definetly not be an issue.

It's been an interesting couple of days.

So work has been slow and then suddenly turned really busy. And I was nice and picked up 4 hours on Friday. But Thursday night really didnt care any more and went to bed a couple hours past my normal working bedtime. Woke up Friday morning just like normal, started my daily schedule until when I was in the bathroom getting ready, my makeup container started vibrating. Yup, earthquake time. So that was the talk of the town and still is. But the day got better! I had a very quick fight with the door frame when I was walking out of a patients room, and lost the fight. It hurt so bad and then I looked down right after it happened and two bruises immediately appeard and it kept a chunk of my skin for its victory. I know something else happened that day but can't seem to remember! But came home and started reading outside because it was such a BEAUTIFUL day, but got really tired fast so took a quick nap and then a friend came over to look at flights and then we went out to eat at Chedder's. Good day I guess. Then today Hannah and I did some mulching on the flower bed on the side of the house, got ready in like 30 minutes and then left for a baby shower that lasted ohhh about 3-4 hours. It was at a B&B in Vevay which was the 3rd party we all decided the group has had there. The owners are really nice. They have a large plantation type house in Vermont, this house, I was told a couple hotels in Vegas, ya totally loaded. But really nice down to earth. Then went out to eat at Moe's Steak house in Vevay for a surprise birthday party for Sharron who is a good friend of the family. Then came back home and now finally relaxing in bed. Tomorrow going to church out here and then going out to eat at a Japanese steak house with some of the group again. I feel like I am eating out alot :) Well, Think that is my life for now!

The Blizzard has come and stayed!

So Friday when I left work we had already gotten quite abit of snow. It snowed pretty much all night and day to Saturday. We were snowed in, the plow truck didnt even go past until it was dark on Saturday night. Some of us got together and built a hill in the snow from driveways. We were literally taking snow from other peoples yards to our neighbors yard to make the hill. We have been sledding down it the last two days. It was alot of fun! And I dont have to go back to work until Tuesday!!! That is even better!! Oh and with the whole charge nurse position, I am really considering telling them I dont think I want it. I have had some good days on the floor and if I dont do the charge thing, I will still be able to teach new nurses. I like to teach. So we will see! Oh and I got to talk to my brother the other day!! I was so excited!

You know, how do you decide what you have in life is what you really want? I feel like I am at a cross-road again. Making some decisions that could affect how my life goes in the next couple years to the rest of my life. I thought that most of these decisions were over once I was out of college and after deciding on a job. But the more I live, the more I realize how many more life changing decisions I make or will be making. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what I want and then othertimes I don't. I think I know what I want or where God has been leading me, but then other times I get so confused. Maybe the time is not right that the current time. Maybe I need to gain some more courage/knowledge before moving on with my life. With the new position I had my interview for, they asked me about being vocal and being assertive, well this has been an issue for me my whole life. As my college girls can tell you. Only at very limited times do I become assertive and get my point acrossed. But my manager told me that she does not want to change my personality because that is what some of it is. I was very impressed with this statement. I have felt like so many people have tried to "change" who I am. This did make me feel better about where I am. And then I was later asked what would I think if I didnt get the position. And I answered honestly. Really I dont think I would care. I didnt say this part but I might actually be relieved! But I am not sure if being relieved is a good thing. I always make things more difficult on myself than they need to be, but I also dont want to back down on a challenge and this will be a new challenge and if it helps me gain some experiences that I will need in the future than maybe it would be a good position to have?
I have been thinking about missions more and trying to feel where I felt lead to. I had such a passion for Honduras and Africa, But I think I am feeling more of a draw to Africa. I dont know if this is because I am afraid of what could happen if I go to Honduras or a Central American Country?? But Well that probably doesnt make sence to most people seeing that Africa seems to be more dangerous and "life threating" than C.A. does. But this is not exactly what I ment by that statement. Anyways, I am reading Miracle at Tenwek now. Actually started it awhile ago and starting it again. He was such an amazing man and his wife was an amazing women! And I got to met her! :) Anyways that is what is going on in my life recently and thought I would put it out there for the world or the 1-2 people if that, that still reads blogs.
Most of all I just want to do what God wants me to do. If that is living a poor life and in the jungles of an unheard of country then so be it!! I am excited to find out how my life will turn out.